Just me blabbing.....

So as some of you know, we have had a terrible time trying to conceive, ok, we just can't! So we came to the conclusion that after years of medication, and surgery, and all the Dr visits we would start our family through adoption! Four years ago, we decided to get our paper work ready and start the process, it's a long and hard emotional process, but totally worth it! Just look at my son and the beautiful spirit he is! So to sum it up, we waited almost a year before we heard from his birthmother, we were all approved paperwork wise in September of 05, and she contacted us in September of 06 and he was born February 20, 2007! It was such an awesome experience and has brought so much happiness and joy into our lives! I actually love life again! Right after we had been approved, my Dr suggested that I get on birthcontrol for some girly reasons, and also it would help keep my mind off of pregnancy and all on the adoption! I decided to remain on it even after Kade was born, and just this last August had this wierd feeling like I didn't need it any more! I felt like maybe just maybe the Dr was wrong and we could conceive! Well, for 6 months we really tried, with the whole ovulation calendar and everything! It WAS going to work this time, I just knew it. Then all of a sudden in February my cycle got all wierd, totally creeped me out! It was a never ending cycle, and I had a strong feeling that I was just trying to accomplish something that was not meant for me (pregnancy)! I kinda got discouraged, and decided to get back on the pill! But I have never truely felt right about it, so I just stopped two weeks into it! I don't understand the reasons why it is so hard for me to want something so bad and not be able to have it so easily, I just wish I knew all the answers!, but obviously never will. And I can live with that, I have for the last 9 years. I just wish for a minute I would catch God's thoughts on this subject and not wonder anymore Why me? What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? So needless to say No I am not pregnant, I just needed to get some thoughts out of my head and out of my heart! I don't want sympathy or expect anyone to really understand what I am going through or have gone through. I am not giving up completely on my dreams, I don't know if I ever will conceive, or just continue to build my family through adoption, either way I do it I am totally content with, and will be forever grateful to those birthmothers who so selflessly make the decision that will help families like mine believe in dreams!

Kade's birthmother, I love you with all my heart and want you to know what an amazing gift you have given us! I can not imagine doing what you did, but I am so so happy that you picked us and that Kade came into our family the way he did! I speak nothing but loving words of you to him and tell him of all the wonderful things you did for him. He loves you and loves looking at the pictures of you and him in the hospital! You are truely an angel to all three of us! Thank you, thank you for making the decision that I know was so hard for you to make! You will always be a part of our lives in every way!

Mother's please look at your beautiful children and love them, hug them, kiss them! They are such amazing little people! Don't for one day forget the feelings and excitement you felt while you were carrying them, please don't forget that it is such a miracle that you were able to conceive these little beings and always feel so happy that you have those children in your lives!

We all have trials in our lives, and I know without a doubt that each of our trials were meant espesially for us! They are put before us to help us, build us, and strengthen us! I will continue to have my trials, as will you, but when you are faced with a trial that makess you question WHY ME?.... just remember that there is someone else out there that may have a harder trial placed before them!

WHEN LIFE GETS TO HARD TO STAND......KNEEL!